When I broke out of my casket, I swore to my lucky stars and various dieties that I'll morph from a breathing human being unaware of her soil's politics into a more knowledgable decaying cadaver. Although there's a great chance that I'll not succeed in this endeavour, it would be a great adventure just trying.
As a side note, someone stole my crisp newly bought newspaper on my way to the office. Is this the spirits telling me NOT to continue with this rather bold challenge. To think that I've sworn off politics since my ex went uhm backpacking.
Thus, the headline section of my blog is born where a translation the news into a more digestible and highly entertaining form precedes my commentaries. (All articles are taken out of PDI)
*"Nicole's" Lawyer does the expected...
This is wholly expected in my case, also for my (coffee) drinking buddies. In the front page article today, Ursua declares that the excuse used to legitimize Smith's smuggle out of the Phils into the heavily armed US Embassy (the VFA) should be abolished. To put spice into things, several people should have their peckers cut off, namely, Executive Secretary Ermita, Foreign Secretary Romulo, Justice Secretary Gonzalez, Interior Secretary Puna and Presidential Legal Counsel Apostol.
The article would have gone on unnoticed for more pressing news such as headline citing the ex-DOJ chief's extortion raps (note the sarcasm), if not for several really humorous lines and I quote: page A4
"They (the US) have waived part of their jurisdiction... they allowed our officials to get inside, give them free access," he (Apostol)said.
Whoa, hold on there one second.
Did he just say that we ought to be thankful that we got our hands on Smith in the first place? Did he just say that contrary to Ursua and the rest of them, it's not Pinas but the US who surrendered sovereignty when they LET US get hold of Smith? In effect, we should be showering the US officials with gift baskets of mangoes and bamboo flutes for their surrendering their sovereignty.
Well then, that settles it. When you go picking the mangoes, include the tree itself, or better yet, just chuck an entire forest for the colonists' consumption. Oh wait. The colonists had and still is doing that -- utilize OUR resources for their own upliftment. Now, not only are we exploited, we are also damn proud of it hence the President's legal counsel is printing out t-shirts saying: GI wanna fuck?
I don't think this gives a pleasing mental and political image about our government's relationship with the US. First off, we sound, for lack of better term, scared shitless in a wet-your-pants variety. Ohhh, the big mean country is nice enough to let us even see Smith, let alone even admit that an actual rape scene ever happened. Therefore, we should be oh so grateful and, consequently, spread our legs. More importantly, we sound like it's our fault that we breed girls
who start to wonder why their privates hurt after a few hours in the back of a van with horny soldiers. Yes, this is a country of great whoredom. What's happened to our culture damnit?! We were trained by Spain to be great whores were we not?!
It's saddening that some of my buddies had actually called "Nicole" unreliable due to the (supposed) fact that she is a loose woman. In my opinion, it's an even greater crime if the girl is a "loose woman". Come on. She's already easy. All she needed was a lil prodding care of flowers, chocolates and money. Geez. How hard can that be?! The real problem here is not bounded by country. Males all over the world are getting too lazy to work for a good fuck (or any fuck for that matter). For the love of all that is holy, there's no such thing as a butt ugly boy when armed with a couple of yellow ninoys. You lazy bastards!!!
That age old tactic of getting a girl drunk (making her even more easy) is faulty and dangerous. Most girls can't hold their drink. You don't make her ingest a whole keg of beer. Two cocktails will do. Maximum. Make sure she doesn't dance or else she'll sweat it off. She'll be tipsy, she'll be easy. But see, she's still aware that she's said "yes, you're gonna get lucky." Thus, she won't scream rape. Some men are just idiots I tell ya.
Of course, the bugger, as a wrap up, suggested that the Yanks out to be watched and tagged when on leave so that "we'll not experience this kind of experience (rape case)." Well, this says a lot about the state of the English language in our government.
I do not doubt that the VFA will push through. Thus, I'm stocking up on lube and a leash.
*I will not link you. Go outside and purchase a newspaper.
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